|
Of making many books there is no end… Ecclesiastes 12:12
Most books should never be written… I wish this were one of them. Above all I wish I wasn’t the author. There is no glory in this writing, only great sorrow and tears. Any glory belongs to Jesus – He is the hero. If it were not for Him there would be no reason for this writing.
This book is not a labor of love; this is an act of obedience. My story, as dark as it is, needs to be told. The church is in crisis. We are living in an immoral and perverse world. Darkness threatens to overcome us. It’s time to wake up.
Mine is a life of extremes, full of contradictions. I once heard a paradox defined as two opposites that are both 100% true. My life is full of paradox. Even I find it perplexing that the main character and the author of this book are the same person. It just doesn’t seem possible.
I HATE THIS BOOK! It’s hideous. Disgusting! This is an account of human depravity and self-indulgence, a true-life horror story. This alone should make for interesting reading. Even the most timid are drawn to the macabre. Who wouldn’t slow down to observe a train wreck? This is a story of multiple train wrecks.
WARNING! This book is for mature audiences. It contains accounts of sexually perverse behavior. Every effort has been made to present these events tastefully and without elaboration. It is not my intent to shock; I’m not purposefully trying to disgust the reader. However, the very mention of such things has the potential to offend.
This book is not just a testimony. I HATE TESTOMONIES! Too many Christian testimonies are sensationalized tales of immoral exploits with an understated climax about how God rescued them. Been there – done that – won’t do it again. In this book I examine my life through the lens of scripture every step of the way. My story is merely a vehicle to show the practical application of God’s word. Consequently this book is full of Bible references and teaching. The biblical applications are the heart of my message; my story apart from God’s word is meaningless.
This biography is totally biased. It’s also brutally honest. Imagine a subjective mirror. Not a fun-house carnival mirror that distorts the image. No this mirror presents an accurate but selective reflection: instead of reflecting the whole it shows only the parts important to the message. My story is told through my eyes with a biblical worldview. If someone else were to write this account I’d expect it to be similar yet different. And if authored from an alternative worldview it would be very different. At one time I seriously considered writing a purely secular account of my life. Most of what is in this writing would be excluded and the rest would be scripted to make me appear the hero (or at least a likeable character). Instead of a biblical perspective the story would be told through the lens of contemporary 1970s music. Thank God He spared me from my folly.
“Does this story have a happy ending?” God’s grace and mercy throughout my life is beyond comprehension. My pastor (who has witnessed my life for over twenty years) once told me that I’m a model for God’s grace. He said that no one he’s ever known has abused God’s grace more – yet amazingly God’s hand remains on my life. That alone should inspire and encourage. The fact that I’m still here, still growing and am still one of God’s children defies human logic. Happy ending? While there is joy and happiness in my life I’d have to say I’m still looking forward to the happy ending. Yet I’m not chasing it anymore, I’m simply enjoying the journey. I know beyond a doubt that a happy ending is coming. God promised. If I’ve learned anything it is to trust God’s promises.
That which has been is what will be, that which is done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun. Ecclesiastes 1:9
There is nothing in my life that has not been experienced by others. It’s just that my life is full of extremes. My pastor once put it this way, “When Kevin came clean and confessed there was nothing that I hadn’t heard before. Only I’d never heard it all come from the same person.” It’s doubtful that anyone reading this will share in my life experiences. The lives of most readers will be far different from mine. It doesn’t matter. There is nothing new under the sun. While aspects of my life may be strange to you they are not new to mankind, and they are most definitely not foreign to God. One of the few things God can’t do is be surprised. He knows everything.
Eliciting empathy from the reader is not my goal and I certainly don’t want your sympathy or pity. I share my story only as a way to exemplify the message. The biblical wisdom and insights apply to all believers. What you choose to do with them is what matters – and that is totally dependant on you.
For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light…. Ephesians 5:12,13
For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have spoken in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have spoken in the ear in inner rooms will be proclaimed on the housetops. Luke 12:2,3
One day all secrets will be revealed. This will be a troubling day for most people. As for me I’m going to get it out of the way and start now.
To my shame and embarrassment, this is my story.
| 
Samson of a Man